→ 23 - 11 - 2009 notes 6 notes

Hm.

My fantasy football team is 0-11.

I have the option to either:

A) watch my kicker on monday night attempt to score 33 points to win me a game. For the unfootball-initiated, this is about as easy as it is for a poet to score 33 points. As in, impossible.

B) or watch Half Blood Prince and ignore the fact that this football season continues to little else beside kick me, repeatedly, in the dick.

What should i do here?

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The Weird Guy at Work copes with my future absence from the office.

  • Weird Guy: Read this. (holds a card in front of my face)
  • Me: You seem to have a dentist appointment Wednesday, December 9th at 3PM
  • Weird Guy: Do you understand the significance?
  • Me: Um... (scanning the card) they wrote "Wednesday" where your name should be?
  • Weird Guy: Very observant. However, Wednesday December 9th: You wont be here. But I'll go to the appointment anyway.
  • Me: That's a very important step.
  • ----------------------
  • Fat Guy: Is your replacement well-trained?
  • Me: Trained to handle the Weird Guy? No. He can figure it out on his own.
  • I WILL MISS THESE POSTS.

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raptorinside:

“When you’re right, you don’t need to compromise. Compromise is for people who are wrong.”

These are the people buying Palin’s book. There is no hope, America. Obama will kill our babies, enslave white people, and convert our once beautiful country to a Gay Islamic Empire. Only Sarah Palin can stop it. It’s just a fact.

i find shit like this soul-crushingly terrifying.

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haiku by gallagher

just some randoms pulled from a random page on his book. peep the forward.

 

killed in the open

 at a nudist colony.

 they all bare witness.

 

 hanging off a cliff

armless man masturbating

 both could use a hand

 

when an atheist

 sneezes you should respond with

 ‘nothing nothing you’

 

mario runs fast

 and eats a lot of mushrooms

 but he never trips

 

plastic surgery.

 since when is it ok to

 be picking your nose?

  

I masturbate while

 reading dictionaries so

I can come to terms

 

 

I watched irony

saw a car catch on fire

 it was a blazer

 

received communion

at a wedding. not catholic,

just really hungry.

 

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 favorite wall sconce evaaar.

 favorite wall sconce evaaar.

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FORT.

  • me: fucking Lee bought a house today
  • what are we doing wrong that we dont own houses?
  • eden: jesu cristo
  • I DONT WANT A FUCKING HOUSE
  • me: oh right. too permanent
  • okay okay
  • me: a FLYING house?
  • eden: WHY BUY A HOUSE WHEN THAT AINT GONNA MEAN SHIT IN 2 YEARS
  • eden: 2012
  • A FORT
  • FUCK HOUSES
  • me: okay a ranch-colonial four bedroom fort
  • eden: HOUSES ARE THINGS OF THE PAST
  • eden: buh bye

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Me and Tracy at a Lighting By Gregory cocktail party thang. It looks like im changing a lightbulb. Which is, ofcourse, funny as shit.

Me and Tracy at a Lighting By Gregory cocktail party thang. It looks like im changing a lightbulb. Which is, ofcourse, funny as shit.

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The perks of being in the lighting industry. fml.

The perks of being in the lighting industry.

fml.

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Really?

  • Background: I was calling a lighting manufacturer to ask about the availability of a product. This particular manufacturer ships from both North Carolina and Southern California, whichever of the two facilities are closer to the customer's address.
  • Lady From Manuf: "So where is the product going?"
  • Me: "D.C"
  • Lady: "So we'll ship from California then?"
  • Me: "Uh. What? The customer is in DC."
  • Lady: "Right, Washington DC. So we'll ship from California."
  • Me: "Uh. Wouldnt it make more sense to ship from North Carolina"
  • Lady: "No sir, Washington DC is in the pacific northwest."
  • Me: "Maam. The capital of the united states is not in a state that was added to the flag in the late 1800's. Further. Washington DC is in, like, the Virginia/Maryland/Delaware area.
  • Lady: "Ohhhh. THAT Washington DC."

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sarahroseparty: [clavicula]

sarahroseparty:

[clavicula]

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Kick A Ginger Day

blame a cartoon. makes sense.

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the first thanksgiving. (with smallpox blankets)

thank you vp. xoxo

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"You think you're so smart when you're high? Write down what you say and read it later." - My father, Joe Brady

  • (on homemade wine)
  • Sarah: What does the condom do to the wine?
  • Kyle: Keep it from getting AIDS.
  • ****
  • I once hand-wrote twelve pages of a theory on why Willy Wonka could explain American foreign policy. On acid.
  • The next morning i legitimately could only make out the first page, and all i remember to this day is something about Augustus Gloop and Henry Kissinger.